were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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