fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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