so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
