her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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