I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
There r osticjed everywhere
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
