Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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