I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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