Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
