She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
