I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
The Olympian is in my bed
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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