she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Damn victory sex feels great
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
