dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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