You can't motorboat a personality
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
