Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
