If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize