When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
