Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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