Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I want you more than these girls want KFC
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
This is classic penis vs brain.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
