I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
two words...techno handjob
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
