i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
