Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i think my tv is drunk
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
