I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
