She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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