Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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