a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
