sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
