my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
