Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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