really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
