I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
