Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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