she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
