My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
