John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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