Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
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