You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
