were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
