OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
