I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
