I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize