That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
