so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
