Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize