the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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