All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
