I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I woke up under a house in Key West
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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