I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
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