Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
