I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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