matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
