do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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