While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
