i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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