my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
