I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
