Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
