I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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