Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
false alarm. still invincible.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
