In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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