turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
