Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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