U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
