I think i peed on brittanys purse
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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