so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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