I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
