Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
