So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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