I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
