I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
