Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
