We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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