And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
