my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
