If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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