Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
