Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
